Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Titty Tuesday: Bad Time For Sex

This is the second week in a row I've tried to post this. Last week, I had it all written out, and I took a ton of screenshots from my DVD to post along with it, only to find they were all BLANK. My computer was moving really slowly, it was 1AM, and I didn't have the patience to mess with it any longer, so I gave up, thinking I would do it this week, with a different program. THIS week - I can't find the DVD anywhere. ANYWHERE. And any of the videos I've found of that scene online are boob-free, and it's not on netflix instant play. The universe does not seem to want us to see LaVerne's breasts. I'm posting the rest of it anyway. So, I apologize in advance for the lack of actual titties in this post, I apologize for the poor quality of the screenshots I DO have, and I will endeavor to do better with next week's Titty Tuesday. Go out and buy a copy of Creepshow 2 and watch it yourself, it's a good flick with some nice boobage. -Spooki

It's somewhat serendipitous that Creepshow 2 showed up in my DVD player unexpectedly last week (as mentioned in my last post). After I announced Titty Tuesdays the other day, I was thinking about various scenes that made an impression on my youthful mind, and one of the first ones I thought of was The Raft.

The Raft terrified me back when I first saw it. I was always a huge fan of Creepshow, and while I didn't think most of Creepshow 2 held up as well (I still loved it, just not as much as the first one), Creepshow 2's The Raft scared me almost as much as the original Creepshow's The Crate had. The whole concept of the man-eating oil slick and the people trapped in the middle of nowhere, exposed to the elements, gave me chills; but the scene that really got me was the one appropriately titled "Bad Time For Sex" on the DVD chapter menu.

The tale of The Raft is simple: two couples go out to a lake in the early fall; tourist season is over, it's deserted, but it hasn't yet gotten cold enough for them to bring the wooden raft in from the middle of the lake. The (supposedly-college-age-even-though-they-easily-look-thirty) kids decide to swim out to the lake for one last hurrah. They get there, only to get trapped on the raft by one big piece of meat-eating sludge. It eats a duck, then it eats Randy's girlfriend, then it eats LaVerne's boyfriend. Randy and LaVerne are trapped on the raft, and they agree to sleep in shifts, taking turns watching the troublesome predator, as it has already proven it can ooze up between the slats of the raft and suck them through if they're not careful.

It comes to pass that LaVerne is sleeping and Randy is dutifully taking his turn watching the oil slick. Eventually he gets bored at the prospect of being eaten alive, and can't help but notice that LaVerne is passed out and not wearing a whole heck of a lot. Ever the gentleman, he slooooowly makes his move on the slumbering woman, easing her sweatshirt up, up, up, until he can see and yes, even play with her boobies just a little. [INSERT MANY SHOTS OF HORROR TITTIES!]

But Randy loses his nerve as she starts to show signs of wakefulness and quickly pulls her shirt down, covering her back up. He's all ready to whistle and look totally innocent if she so much as glances his way.

Oh, but Randy won't be getting the ol' "you were touching me while I was sleeping, weren't you, pervert?!" lecture today! LaVerne has bigger things on her mind.

what IS that?
Namely, THE MAN-EATING OIL SLICK. It evidently noticed that Randy was preoccupied and took that time to sneak under the raft and firmly attach itself to his rape victim friend's face.

oh dear GOD

As it continues to pour over her body and begins dissolving her flesh, she holds her hands out to him in supplication, screaming. "Randy! Raaaannddeeeeeee! What the fuck were you thinking, Randy?! You were thinking with your dick, you rapist bastard, and now this thing is EATING ME RANDEEEE!"
(OK, she actually just screams his name repeatedly in disbelief and pain, but I like to add in the other parts because it makes me feel better.)
He just stands there looking stupid.

this is the face of a date rapist
well, she used to have nice tits...
LaVerne's titties are soon consumed, and though we are treated to a nicely horrific semi-skeletal show of her, the titties remain covered. And Randy's fate? Well, you'll have to check out the movie to find out!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Passing On The Horror Gene

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had dreams of my budding horror minions. I wasn't sure exactly how many children I'd end up having, but in the fantasies of my Future Life, I envisioned a gaggle of enthusiastic mini-Spookses helping out with my (someday) Professional Haunted Attraction. My daydreams were filled with the delighted screams and shrieks of our victims as we gleefully torturedentertained them.

It become apparent soon after my son was born, however, that the horror gene hadn't grabbed him from birth. Monster toys were rejected. "This Is Halloween" was voted TOO SCARY.

Baby Drake says EFF THIS MOVIE!

My Addams-family dreams shattered into a million pieces as I sadly accepted the fate that my (then two year old) son was, to put it bluntly, a chicken. I told myself, back when I decided to be a parent, that I would love and accept my children no matter what lifestyles they chose to follow, and I stand by my word! Even if that lifestyle IS (sob) devoid of horror.

I haven't lost hope for the boy though. True Blogger Confession? I too was born a chicken. Yes, you read that right: Spooki was a grade-A CHICKENSHIT. Couldn't stomach the idea of a horror movie until I was easily 12 or so. I have some distinct youthful horror movie memories: sneaking downstairs while my parents were watching An American Werewolf In London, only to catch the scene where the wolf rampages across Piccadilly Circus and a head goes flying. At least, I think that's what happens. I haven't seen the movie in years (come to think of it, I'm not sure I've actually ever watched the entire thing as an adult, though I've seen at least most of it in parts), but my child's brain has this image burned into my head, an image of a body trapped between two cars and a head that goes flying down the street as this terrifying wolf-beast runs loose about the town. I caught one glimpse of that scene and went running back to my bed, terrified. I'm not sure I slept that night.

stay on the road, steer clear of the moors, and for the love of GOD, don't sneak downstairs at five years old to see what your parents are watching on TV
Or the time my mom tried to get me to watch Poltergeist when I was 8 or so. I looked just like little Carol Anne as a child, they tell me, and I think that somehow my mother was convinced this would make me love the movie. Because every kid wants to see the movie where their TV doppelganger gets sucked into the closet, kidnapped by malevolent ghosts, right? Yeah, I didn't even make it past the scene where the PET BIRD DIED.

I don't understand what possessed my mother to constantly try to terrify me. 

So, friends, I was no champion of the horror film as a kid, and yet I still turned out OK. I haven't given up on my boy yet.

My girl came along two years later, and it was evident nearly from birth that she would be different. For one thing, as an infant, she growled. There were no coos and ga-gas or goo-goos from my sweet little daughter, but she did a great Linda Blair impression. She took to anything monsterish immediately, laughing in delight at monster toys, books, frightening halloween decorations. And movies. From the time she was old enough to start indulging in that form of media, she has always been attracted to the frightful. It's nearly impossible to scare her, and if you do catch her with a good startle, she laughs uproariously afterwards. She continuously surprises and delights me with the things she takes an interest in.

Take tonight: her brother was upstairs playing half an hour of Moshi Monsters before bed, and so I was going to let her play a half an hour of Wii downstairs. But neither of the Wii-motes was charged, so that was a bust. So I tried to put on a show for her using our Netflix box, but technical difficulties prevented this. Frustrated, I turned to the trusty DVD player. The problem? All the kids' DVDs had been packed into a carrying case two months ago and toted along on our road trip to Florida, and I had NO idea where they were. I started rifling through some of our DVDs, hoping to find something acceptable. While doing so, I flipped on the DVD changer absentmindedly. The first movie in the changer loads, the title menu starts, and immediately I see The Creep standing on the back of a truck, mugging theatrically for the camera.

you'd think he would be the terror of three-year-olds everywhere... 
"Who is that guy?" she asked, staring at the screen.
"That's The Creep. This movie is Creepshow 2. It's a grown-up movie, honey."
"I want to watch this guy."
"No, baby, that one's definitely a grownup scary movie."
"I WANT TO WATCH THAT ONE!" (she's a bit of a pistol too.)
I look at the DVDs in my hand. "How about this one, baby? The Adventures of Superman?"
"mmm... no. I don't want that one right now."
I flip to the next DVD in the pile.
"What's that one?"
"That? Oh, that's... The 'Burbs."
"What's that one about?"
"It's... about... a creepy family that moves into a neighborhood, and everyone thinks they might be killers."
"OK. I want to watch that one."

That's my kid. Eschewing superhero cartoons for movies about creepy killer families. I guess I might get my little Wednesday Addams after all.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Coming Soon: Titties, Titties, Ass and Titties! And Wang.

So I was in the shower and I was thinking about tits. (That's pretty much how every blog post ever written should start from now on, in my opinion.) Specifically, tits in horror movies. They're pretty much a staple. Oh, I know that it doesn't float everyone's boat, and you've got your folks that wish there was LESS T&A in horror films, or that think maybe a 'smart' horror film doesn't NEED tits, but me? I love some horror movie boobie action. One of my top horror movie scenes ever involves my favorite Scream Queen, her tits, and a tube of lipstick (bonus points if you can Name That Film!).

It also occurred to me that, while I can easily start naming off horror movies with ample breastitude, I can't readily recall films with abundant wang, or even much wang at all. I love some T&A as much as the next person, but where's the D&A?? (dicks & ass; W&A doesn't quite have the same ring to it.)

Maybe someone else on the internet is already cataloguing these things, and a quick google search would give me all the horror T&A and D&A I could possibly want. (Though I suspect googling anything involving tits, asses, wangs or dicks will bring me to precisely the kind of sites that would be more suitable for my other blog.)

See, I Googled 'horror wang' images and this is what I got: A VAMPIRE FLESHLIGHT.
Maybe it's out there. I didn't look, because I like to pretend I'm the first person on the planet to have brilliant ideas. What brilliant idea, you may ask?

Why, some new features for the blog, of course! Titty Tuesday, for one. Wang Wednesday, for another. And, a propos of nothing, some sort of day where I feature awesome movie quotes. My thinking being that I will catalog titties, ass, wang, and awesome movie quotes as I encounter them during the week, and when the appropriate day comes, I will share them with you, my devoted blog readers. (I'm pretty sure that's only my husband at this point, but I know that if I post them, They Will Come. 'They' might only be perverts and weirdos, but hey, I'll be with my own kind at least.)

This is a nearly-accurate representation of how my husband and I met. It even looks like us.
And if I have a dry week where I don't encounter such things (SAD PANDA), I'll have to plumb the recesses of my perverted mind and post some old favorites. Or maybe I'll share some reader favorites from time to time.

So, reader homework!

1) What are your favorite titty (or female ass) scenes in horror media? (movies, tv, books, whatever, I won't discriminate)

2) What are your favorite wang (or male ass) scenes in horror media?

3) What day should I do 'awesome horror quotes I have encountered this week', and what should I call it? I like things that have a nice ring to them, and there's no Q day of the week. Quote Quaturday just isn't doing it.

Monday, July 5, 2010

My Top 10 Willy-Inducing Moments

I saw this first on the most excellent horror blog Day Of The Woman, but she was prompted by Andre at The Horror Digest to make HER list. Either way, they both encourage us to sally fur... sally firr... sally FORTH and post our OWN top 10 list of "willy inducing moments" from horror films. As Andre notes in her post, fear is an entirely subjective response, which is why there are probably going to be things on my list that you will laugh at. These are the first ten things that I thought of, ordered from least to most scary to me. It's not my definitive list by far, as it's somewhat off the cuff and it's entirely possible there are traumas I have blocked completely that only therapy will resurrect. If that should happen, I'll add to or amend the list. But for now, here goes!

10. The Fly II: mutated dog scene

This one is definitely a kindertrauma event, as repeated viewings as an adult failed to terrify me as much as this scene did when I first saw it. But it still hurts me deep inside. I've always had a deep and abiding love for golden retrievers and any dog resembling them, and when they sent that dog - poor mutated little Eric Stoltz's only friend - through the machine only to have it burst forth as this hideous mangled THING, and then later when he finds that they kept the suffering dog alive, OH, my young self was horrified as never before. Those MONSTERS.

Kindertrauma's excellent write-up on The Fly 2, complete with mutated dog photos

9. Gravedancers: dead in the bed

This movie was terrible, pretty much unredeemable in my opinion, but I had really high hopes when I first saw the trailer. I love a well-crafted ghost story, and ghosts are one of the few scary things that even as an adult can effectively give me the heebie-jeebies. I've also always been incredibly creeped out by things with bulging and/or colorless 'dead' eyes. Finally, I'm especially sensitive to situations where people are extra vulnerable, such as when they're asleep. The scene in the trailer where the guy seems to be trying to wake up his wife / girlfriend, and she rolls over only to be a horrible bulging dead-eyed ghost creature, scared the crap out of me. (Too bad the movie fell completely flat.)

8. Evil Dead: Cheryl in the cellar

I first saw the Evil Dead back when I was oh, probably 11 or so. I was sleeping over at a friend's house, and her parents had gone out for the evening, leaving us in the charge of my friend's older sister and a couple of HER friends, who were also spending the night. I was a GIANT chicken as a kid too. The older girls decided to watch Evil Dead, and bring us younger ones along for the ride. The tree rape scene and creepy 'we're alone in the woods and bad stuff is going to happen' vibe almost had me fleeing the room, but Cheryl in the cellar with her Deadite face, trying to get out, my poor little heart couldn't handle it. I jammed a Dorito in my eye (I was aiming for my mouth, but missed in my terror) and fled the room.

You should know that this musical piece created exclusively by sounds from the Evil Dead movies is one of the best things ever created and put on the internet.

7. Se7en - sloth

I did not deliberately plan out Se7en to be number 7 on my list, heh. The Sloth scene. I don't understand how anyone could NOT be affected by the Sloth scene. It's a masterful buildup of filmmaking; you're on the edge of your seat, thinking they're going after the murderer, knowing it's too early in the movie for them to catch the guy but never suspecting what exactly you're about to find. The slow buildup to get into the apartment, the juxtaposed shots of SWAT members, stairways, decrepit hallways. The puzzling air fresheners, hundreds of them, hanging from the ceiling. The shrouded body on the bed. The big reveal - IT'S A VICTIM. The horror that dawns as you take in his skin-and-bones, starved, bedsore-ridden remains. The judgmental detective leans in, whispers cruelly, and HOLY SHIT HE'S ALIVE OH MY GOD HE'S ALIVE, TWISTING AND MOVING UNNATURALLY, and for a moment he is no longer an object of pity but a creature to be feared.

6. Dawn Of The Dead (2004) - little neighbor girl in the hallway

I mentioned that I have a special terror of people being attacked when they're in especially vulnerable positions, like, oh, PEACEFULLY SLEEPING IN THEIR BEDS, didn't I? The beginning of the DotD remake is a great roller coaster ride, and the little zombie neighbor girl in the hallway really kicks it off for me. A doble-whammy of her just being there in the first place, and then the unnatural way she jumps up and goes running down the hallway after the attack.

Dawn of The Dead 2004 (The Beginning)
Uploaded by TwilightZone13. - Check out other Film & TV videos.

5. The Vanishing (American) - buried alive

I never saw the original so I can't compare the two, but that moment after Kiefer Sutherland agrees to experience everything his girlfriend did in order to find out what happened to her, that moment when he wakes up from his drugged sleep to find that he has been buried alive, OH, I can't handle the horror. As women in today's world we are raised to be especially careful, because we seem to be the preferred victim of most rapists and murderers. We are especially aware of the dangers that could be lurking in every corner of the world around us, and the fact that the seemingly innocent teacher at the gas station was a murderous fiend who kidnapped one of our own and BURIED HER ALIVE far eclipsed most anything I'd seen up to that point in my life. I saw this movie as a teen, with my mother, and I don't think I've ever looked at the world quite the same way again. The fact that Kiefer gets away and exacts revenge is cold comfort, because it doesn't in any way fix the fact that his girlfriend was BURIED ALIVE, killed in one of the most horrific manners I can imagine.

4. Ghosthouse - creepy ass little girl loves her terrifying chanting giant clown doll

I saw this movie with some friends as a teen, and though the movie itself is god awful, the little ghost girl with her scary clown doll, and the truly unnerving chant-song that accompany them, terrified us. Creepy children. Clowns. And what the hell IS it saying, exactly? "Burial? Burial?" I'm not sure we finished the movie the first time around. We just couldn't HANDLE that clown.

This video sucks simply because the person that uploaded it put stupid captions on it, but it gives a much better idea of how creepy the little girl is than the other video I found.

This video showcases the creepiness of the clown quite well, but doesn't convey the little girl's weirdness as well

3. The Exorcist - spider-crawl

Bodies moving in an unnatural fashion are just downright WRONG. It's mere seconds of a truly disturbing film, and it wasn't even included in the original cut, yet for me, it's the most disturbing part of all.

2. The Ring (American) - it's a tie between the dead faces and Samara coming out of the TV

As a whole, The Ring works as a genuinely unnerving and frightening movie. I've only seen it twice, because it terrified me so the first time. I recently watched it the second time, with my husband, after I found out he hadn't seen it yet and I felt it was an important piece of his horror movie education. It was slower than I remembered, probably because the final scene (Samara coming out of the well and then crawling from the TV into reality) is so intense that I practically shit my pants just THINKING about it. By now, everyone knows about it and if you haven't seen it, seeing it the first time is probably less scary than it was when I had NO idea what I was about to experience and it was a total shock. But it still manages to deliver a healthy dose of fear.

The other moment(s) in The Ring that I can't watch, and that haunt my nights sometimes, are the split-second reveals of the dead faces of Samara's victims. Most notably Katie in the closet. It's early in the movie, unexpected, and utterly horrifying, and it really sets the tone for the rest of the film.

1. Arachnophobia, or anything with spiders

I'm a severe arachnophobe. ANY scene with a spider in it is going to give me the willies. This is probably the only spider movie I've ever actually SEEN, and it may very well be the only one I EVER see. I saw it back when I was a teen, and my spider phobia wasn't too bad. I STILL check under my toilet seat for spiders, and always look in the cereal box before pouring myself a bowl, and I check the shower thoroughly for spiders before getting in. I even check my TOWEL to make sure there are none on it, waiting to crawl on my flesh.

yeah, I... can't even look at pictures of spiders.

So, what are yours?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Guillermo and Me

I kind of love Guillermo del Toro. I do. I like his films a lot and every little bit more I learn about the man, I love him more and more. I had no idea he had "co-wroten" a book! I'll have to pick it up.

Craig is pretty awesome too.

Check out this fantastic and funny interview.

Some of my favorite things (probably don't read these unless you've watched the interview):

"being a sick, fat human being" lol oh Guillermo!

"vampires are meant to be frightening, not some actor douchebag with big hair... that's, that's not a vampire! that, my friend, is a JONAS BROTHER!" OH LOL CRAIG

vampire peepees! LOL! (Though I have actually read one other book that went into that pretty much in depth. I'll have to compare the two books when I read this one!)

"well, they haven't excavated under the cellar under my house... I'm still a free man" <3 Guillermo, really. <3 I love that he grew up reading old vampire lore! (And have you seen pictures of his HOUSE? Seriously? HE IS SO AWESOME. I wish to be his friend and hang out with him!!)

"The fat man is a geek!" :) (Also, I love how excited Craig got when HP Lovecraft came up!)

Here's an interview about Guillermo del Toro's house.

And here is a picture of the entry to his house.

I think I will have to send him an engraved invitation to the Not House when I get it up and running. And perhaps he will return the favor and invite me to his home! Maybe we'll be best friends. I think I'll write a song about it. I'll call it "Guillermo and Me", and I'll put it on youtube and then he'll see it and realize that we are BFFs separated at birth and he'll call me up and we'll be reunited.

'cause we were meant to be... oh yeah... Guillermo and me...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


We made a short, really. Entry for a video contest. And I feel bad even saying "WE made a movie" because really it was more like I told my friend Red about this contest and said we should make a movie, and he totally ran with it and filmed, edited, and generally made this whole thing happen in many ways. (YOU ARE AWESOME RED!) But it's the first movie project I've ever been a part of, outside of the odd high-school assignment that is, and I'm incredibly excited about it.

This was for the Midnight Syndicate Video Contest; Midnight Syndicate creates atmospheric music for haunted attractions and the like. Gothic soundtracks, if you will. I've been a fan of theirs for quite some time now, and often play their music as inspiration when I'm writing. Naturally when I saw they were doing a video contest, I was pretty excited. The rules were pretty simple; craft a spooky short silent film and set it to one of their songs.

Do you know what's even more awesome? We put this together in, basically, ONE DAY. I mean, we tossed around ideas and stuff for a while before that, but when it came to actual filming, we just got together at Red's house one day, filmed a bunch of scenes, and then he worked like a madman to edit it all into something resembling the ideas that had been tossed around and to get it submitted before the deadline. And we did it while wrangling four kids (my two and my friend Sarah's two (Sarah being one of the stars of the film)). Child wrangling was probably my largest contribution to the process (and I'm not sure I did it all that well, lol). Oh, and I produced the offspring that is the other star of the film. I like to believe I did THAT pretty well; not that you'd know it from his lack of cooperation the day of filming. (Despite his general apathy towards the ACTUAL work involved in filming scenes, he has already spoken excitedly about the next movie project we will do, lol, so I guess it wasn't as 'boring' as he made it out to be that day!)

So. Anyway. I'm excited. Thanks so much to Red, Sarah, Drake, Oksana, Xander, and Piper. Red for all the work you put into this, you did AWESOME things and it was really fun to get a little taste of 'MOVIE MAGIC'! Sarah for being the coolest creepster ever to grace a short film project anywhere. Drake for being in the movie even when you didn't want to be. And Oksana, Xander, and Piper for being awesome kids in general and for cooperating pretty well with me / us as we worked around you guys. :) I'm looking forward to future movie projects!

Here is our Midnight Syndicate video contest entry, set to their song "Crimson Door".

Friday, February 26, 2010

Vampire Wilford Brimley Meets Deer Woman

I know I said I was going to make my next post about startle-scares, so I apologize for the digression, but inspiration struck and when inspiration takes over, you have to go with it or all is lost.

A progression of facebook comments (that's how ALL my troubles begin these days, through 'a progression of facebook comments') got me to thinking about Wilford Brimley, and how awesome it would be if he were really a vampire. Then I started thinking about writing a short story about Vampire Wilford Brimley, hereafter known as Mustachica*. You see, one of the things I'd like to do with this blog is have a feature called Spookshow Sundays, where I feature short stories, art, videos, etc from up-and-comers in the horror world. (More on that in the future, whenever I get around to actually implementing it.) Mustachica (pronounced Mustache-ica, not Musta-CHICA) would make a great story for that.

'Come ON, Spooks,' I hear you thinking. 'Vampire WILFORD BRIMLEY? That's utterly ridiculous!' And it is, my friends; I don't disagree with you. But I believe it can work. Do you know WHY I believe it can work? Because of John Landis.

What the HELL does John Landis have to do with Mustachica? Well, nothing really. But he DID make the Masters of Horror episode Deer Woman. Yes, he made a lot of other awesome stuff too, but Deer Woman is what keeps me going when I feel like everything I am coming up with is pure drek, drivel, not fit for human consumption. Deer Woman keeps me going when I'm lost. Deer Woman... ok, so maybe I'm attributing a little too much to Deer Woman. But it really did give me hope.

I've mentioned before that I tend to consume a lot of my adult media (as in 'things I can't yet show to my kids', not 'porn') through spoilers these days, since I have little kids. I didn't have Showtime when the Masters of Horror series first aired. I wanted to see it but never got around to it. Periodically I would read about it and think 'yeah, I really wanted to watch those', but kept putting it off in favor of other hobbies. I did read spoilers about all the episodes on wikipedia though. And I remember reading about this Deer Woman episode (in which SPOILER a half-woman half-deer creature seduces men and kicks them to death) and thinking 'oh my god that sounds like the dumbest story EVER'.

Last year, I discovered that the Masters of Horror episodes were on Netflix Instant Play. Joy! I could watch them while I was working, on my computer! And I did. I multitasked through many of the episodes, and found many of them enjoyable. I wasn't exactly thrilled about the idea of Deer Woman when it was time for it, but in true horror fan spirit (I'll watch pretty much anything at least once), I gave it a fair shot.

Deer Woman, I'm sorry I maligned you. You were an excellent entry into the series. One of the best. You were FUNNY. You gave Brian Benben, one of my favorite actors since Dream On, a chance to shine again. You utterly charmed me.

If you haven't seen Deer Woman, I really do suggest you check it out.

And John Landis, thank you for... just... being awesome. I shouldn't have doubted you. Thank you for helping me believe in Mustachica.

I'm not saying I'm a John Landis, so please don't hate. Just that I'm inspired by him. Having people who inspire us, who we can believe in, who take these bizarre and ridiculous ideas and turn them into something great, it really helps those of us who are trying to do the same thing, keep going.

So thank you. And go watch Deer Woman! And believe in Mustachica! Like Tinkerbell, if enough people believe, perhaps he will live.

*not his real name
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