Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Titty Tuesday: Bad Time For Sex

This is the second week in a row I've tried to post this. Last week, I had it all written out, and I took a ton of screenshots from my DVD to post along with it, only to find they were all BLANK. My computer was moving really slowly, it was 1AM, and I didn't have the patience to mess with it any longer, so I gave up, thinking I would do it this week, with a different program. THIS week - I can't find the DVD anywhere. ANYWHERE. And any of the videos I've found of that scene online are boob-free, and it's not on netflix instant play. The universe does not seem to want us to see LaVerne's breasts. I'm posting the rest of it anyway. So, I apologize in advance for the lack of actual titties in this post, I apologize for the poor quality of the screenshots I DO have, and I will endeavor to do better with next week's Titty Tuesday. Go out and buy a copy of Creepshow 2 and watch it yourself, it's a good flick with some nice boobage. -Spooki

It's somewhat serendipitous that Creepshow 2 showed up in my DVD player unexpectedly last week (as mentioned in my last post). After I announced Titty Tuesdays the other day, I was thinking about various scenes that made an impression on my youthful mind, and one of the first ones I thought of was The Raft.

The Raft terrified me back when I first saw it. I was always a huge fan of Creepshow, and while I didn't think most of Creepshow 2 held up as well (I still loved it, just not as much as the first one), Creepshow 2's The Raft scared me almost as much as the original Creepshow's The Crate had. The whole concept of the man-eating oil slick and the people trapped in the middle of nowhere, exposed to the elements, gave me chills; but the scene that really got me was the one appropriately titled "Bad Time For Sex" on the DVD chapter menu.

The tale of The Raft is simple: two couples go out to a lake in the early fall; tourist season is over, it's deserted, but it hasn't yet gotten cold enough for them to bring the wooden raft in from the middle of the lake. The (supposedly-college-age-even-though-they-easily-look-thirty) kids decide to swim out to the lake for one last hurrah. They get there, only to get trapped on the raft by one big piece of meat-eating sludge. It eats a duck, then it eats Randy's girlfriend, then it eats LaVerne's boyfriend. Randy and LaVerne are trapped on the raft, and they agree to sleep in shifts, taking turns watching the troublesome predator, as it has already proven it can ooze up between the slats of the raft and suck them through if they're not careful.

It comes to pass that LaVerne is sleeping and Randy is dutifully taking his turn watching the oil slick. Eventually he gets bored at the prospect of being eaten alive, and can't help but notice that LaVerne is passed out and not wearing a whole heck of a lot. Ever the gentleman, he slooooowly makes his move on the slumbering woman, easing her sweatshirt up, up, up, until he can see and yes, even play with her boobies just a little. [INSERT MANY SHOTS OF HORROR TITTIES!]

But Randy loses his nerve as she starts to show signs of wakefulness and quickly pulls her shirt down, covering her back up. He's all ready to whistle and look totally innocent if she so much as glances his way.

Oh, but Randy won't be getting the ol' "you were touching me while I was sleeping, weren't you, pervert?!" lecture today! LaVerne has bigger things on her mind.

what IS that?
Namely, THE MAN-EATING OIL SLICK. It evidently noticed that Randy was preoccupied and took that time to sneak under the raft and firmly attach itself to his rape victim friend's face.

oh dear GOD

As it continues to pour over her body and begins dissolving her flesh, she holds her hands out to him in supplication, screaming. "Randy! Raaaannddeeeeeee! What the fuck were you thinking, Randy?! You were thinking with your dick, you rapist bastard, and now this thing is EATING ME RANDEEEE!"
(OK, she actually just screams his name repeatedly in disbelief and pain, but I like to add in the other parts because it makes me feel better.)
He just stands there looking stupid.

this is the face of a date rapist
well, she used to have nice tits...
LaVerne's titties are soon consumed, and though we are treated to a nicely horrific semi-skeletal show of her, the titties remain covered. And Randy's fate? Well, you'll have to check out the movie to find out!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Passing On The Horror Gene

When I was pregnant with my first child, I had dreams of my budding horror minions. I wasn't sure exactly how many children I'd end up having, but in the fantasies of my Future Life, I envisioned a gaggle of enthusiastic mini-Spookses helping out with my (someday) Professional Haunted Attraction. My daydreams were filled with the delighted screams and shrieks of our victims as we gleefully torturedentertained them.

It become apparent soon after my son was born, however, that the horror gene hadn't grabbed him from birth. Monster toys were rejected. "This Is Halloween" was voted TOO SCARY.

Baby Drake says EFF THIS MOVIE!

My Addams-family dreams shattered into a million pieces as I sadly accepted the fate that my (then two year old) son was, to put it bluntly, a chicken. I told myself, back when I decided to be a parent, that I would love and accept my children no matter what lifestyles they chose to follow, and I stand by my word! Even if that lifestyle IS (sob) devoid of horror.

I haven't lost hope for the boy though. True Blogger Confession? I too was born a chicken. Yes, you read that right: Spooki was a grade-A CHICKENSHIT. Couldn't stomach the idea of a horror movie until I was easily 12 or so. I have some distinct youthful horror movie memories: sneaking downstairs while my parents were watching An American Werewolf In London, only to catch the scene where the wolf rampages across Piccadilly Circus and a head goes flying. At least, I think that's what happens. I haven't seen the movie in years (come to think of it, I'm not sure I've actually ever watched the entire thing as an adult, though I've seen at least most of it in parts), but my child's brain has this image burned into my head, an image of a body trapped between two cars and a head that goes flying down the street as this terrifying wolf-beast runs loose about the town. I caught one glimpse of that scene and went running back to my bed, terrified. I'm not sure I slept that night.

stay on the road, steer clear of the moors, and for the love of GOD, don't sneak downstairs at five years old to see what your parents are watching on TV
Or the time my mom tried to get me to watch Poltergeist when I was 8 or so. I looked just like little Carol Anne as a child, they tell me, and I think that somehow my mother was convinced this would make me love the movie. Because every kid wants to see the movie where their TV doppelganger gets sucked into the closet, kidnapped by malevolent ghosts, right? Yeah, I didn't even make it past the scene where the PET BIRD DIED.

I don't understand what possessed my mother to constantly try to terrify me. 

So, friends, I was no champion of the horror film as a kid, and yet I still turned out OK. I haven't given up on my boy yet.

My girl came along two years later, and it was evident nearly from birth that she would be different. For one thing, as an infant, she growled. There were no coos and ga-gas or goo-goos from my sweet little daughter, but she did a great Linda Blair impression. She took to anything monsterish immediately, laughing in delight at monster toys, books, frightening halloween decorations. And movies. From the time she was old enough to start indulging in that form of media, she has always been attracted to the frightful. It's nearly impossible to scare her, and if you do catch her with a good startle, she laughs uproariously afterwards. She continuously surprises and delights me with the things she takes an interest in.

Take tonight: her brother was upstairs playing half an hour of Moshi Monsters before bed, and so I was going to let her play a half an hour of Wii downstairs. But neither of the Wii-motes was charged, so that was a bust. So I tried to put on a show for her using our Netflix box, but technical difficulties prevented this. Frustrated, I turned to the trusty DVD player. The problem? All the kids' DVDs had been packed into a carrying case two months ago and toted along on our road trip to Florida, and I had NO idea where they were. I started rifling through some of our DVDs, hoping to find something acceptable. While doing so, I flipped on the DVD changer absentmindedly. The first movie in the changer loads, the title menu starts, and immediately I see The Creep standing on the back of a truck, mugging theatrically for the camera.

you'd think he would be the terror of three-year-olds everywhere... 
"Who is that guy?" she asked, staring at the screen.
"That's The Creep. This movie is Creepshow 2. It's a grown-up movie, honey."
"I want to watch this guy."
"No, baby, that one's definitely a grownup scary movie."
"I WANT TO WATCH THAT ONE!" (she's a bit of a pistol too.)
I look at the DVDs in my hand. "How about this one, baby? The Adventures of Superman?"
"mmm... no. I don't want that one right now."
I flip to the next DVD in the pile.
"What's that one?"
"That? Oh, that's... The 'Burbs."
"What's that one about?"
"It's... about... a creepy family that moves into a neighborhood, and everyone thinks they might be killers."
"OK. I want to watch that one."

That's my kid. Eschewing superhero cartoons for movies about creepy killer families. I guess I might get my little Wednesday Addams after all.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Coming Soon: Titties, Titties, Ass and Titties! And Wang.

So I was in the shower and I was thinking about tits. (That's pretty much how every blog post ever written should start from now on, in my opinion.) Specifically, tits in horror movies. They're pretty much a staple. Oh, I know that it doesn't float everyone's boat, and you've got your folks that wish there was LESS T&A in horror films, or that think maybe a 'smart' horror film doesn't NEED tits, but me? I love some horror movie boobie action. One of my top horror movie scenes ever involves my favorite Scream Queen, her tits, and a tube of lipstick (bonus points if you can Name That Film!).

It also occurred to me that, while I can easily start naming off horror movies with ample breastitude, I can't readily recall films with abundant wang, or even much wang at all. I love some T&A as much as the next person, but where's the D&A?? (dicks & ass; W&A doesn't quite have the same ring to it.)

Maybe someone else on the internet is already cataloguing these things, and a quick google search would give me all the horror T&A and D&A I could possibly want. (Though I suspect googling anything involving tits, asses, wangs or dicks will bring me to precisely the kind of sites that would be more suitable for my other blog.)

See, I Googled 'horror wang' images and this is what I got: A VAMPIRE FLESHLIGHT.
Maybe it's out there. I didn't look, because I like to pretend I'm the first person on the planet to have brilliant ideas. What brilliant idea, you may ask?

Why, some new features for the blog, of course! Titty Tuesday, for one. Wang Wednesday, for another. And, a propos of nothing, some sort of day where I feature awesome movie quotes. My thinking being that I will catalog titties, ass, wang, and awesome movie quotes as I encounter them during the week, and when the appropriate day comes, I will share them with you, my devoted blog readers. (I'm pretty sure that's only my husband at this point, but I know that if I post them, They Will Come. 'They' might only be perverts and weirdos, but hey, I'll be with my own kind at least.)

This is a nearly-accurate representation of how my husband and I met. It even looks like us.
And if I have a dry week where I don't encounter such things (SAD PANDA), I'll have to plumb the recesses of my perverted mind and post some old favorites. Or maybe I'll share some reader favorites from time to time.

So, reader homework!

1) What are your favorite titty (or female ass) scenes in horror media? (movies, tv, books, whatever, I won't discriminate)

2) What are your favorite wang (or male ass) scenes in horror media?

3) What day should I do 'awesome horror quotes I have encountered this week', and what should I call it? I like things that have a nice ring to them, and there's no Q day of the week. Quote Quaturday just isn't doing it.
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